It’s amazing how the most wonderful phase of life comes with an almost incomprehensible list of mental complexities alongside physical. Pregnancy and postpartum are, as is common knowledge, one of the most challenging times of a woman’s life physically, but it is established that the mental and emotional results of the challenges are well worth the pain. Most mothers, however, share experiences that are rather starkly in contradiction to that common belief. There is a lot of content on the internet in connection to postpartum mental health and while most of it is helpful, its still a deeply personal and excruciating experience to maneuver through the ups and downs of the fourth trimester.
“Why would someone who just gave birth to a healthy baby be unhappy?” Sure, that is a natural question you’d ask. And that’s what makes the whole experience even more difficult because new mothers are well aware that they have no reason to be unhappy at the moment; but that’s what they still feel. To make it more specific, the emotions include a question of whether they really wanted what they currently have – a lifetime commitment that only they can manage, a feeling of complete isolation because postpartum is supposed to be sanitized and hygienic, alone nights that are highly conducive for intrusive thoughts and fears to take over, and an overwhelming sense of duty that leaves no space for self-rejuvenation. It is perhaps a combination of the physical fatigue and the hormonal changes of early postpartum that these factors weigh on us more than they should; but they do weigh on us and most new mothers have no idea how to get through it without losing themselves.
My overthinking mind has struggled a little extra with the intrusive thoughts and the lack of understanding company at this time. Combined with a serious self-pity over what I went through during labor, this was a trip to hell. However, I was, though not sufficiently, prepared for this kind of a rollercoaster and I think that made a difference. There wasn’t a plan of any kind; but an awareness that something like this is very likely after the birth of my baby and a resolution to simply be conscious of my thoughts. I’ve tried a little bit of communication with my husband but considering that the physical and mental state of being is provincial to my body alone, other people cannot be of much help during early postpartum. Regardless, consciously keeping close to loved ones does help, atleast as a distraction.
For someone who likes keeping busy, the postpartum isolation is a strange place to be because we are busy but we’re not doing anything more than feeding and watching the baby and cleaning after it. I know that’s the most productive task in the world but the first ten days feel strangely like a forced loop. I’m hoping that things get better from here as my body heals, and makes space for my mind to expand and delve further into the nuances of motherhood with a happier state of mind. I am well aware that the little one who cries out to me and feeds and burps and stares at me is the greatest blessing of my life, and this phase is a biological one that will pass, leaving me with the bliss of motherhood. But that doesn’t mean that the hardships of the phase deserve to be overlooked. I truly hope that the new mothers of the world going through the same phase get all the help they deserve.
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