I have expressed this before, perhaps in different ways, that I live with a suppressed existential dread all the damn time. I have a full life that keeps me busy and ambitious but at every pitstop, my mind brings to the surface the spiritually and scientifically unanswered question “why?” and ruins the moment. I wonder how many others feel like we are trapped in an endless loop of time where generation after generation of human beings repeat pretty much the same things and pass away. Why are we doing all that we are? What is the point of it at the end? Whoever or whatever created this universe, what are they getting out of managing this elaborate, complicated system?
Not that this question demotivates me or stops me from living my life. But it sure does suck the joy out of situations and accomplishments that I would have enjoyed more if not for this predicament. I have had a number of discussions on this topic with like minded people and the best answer I have gotten to this so far is “The universe is simply trying to understand itself through us”. We are apparently the many variants of the universe itself, fragmented into souls in bodies, going through the many experiences of life and helping the universe comprehend itself. No other answer has been satisfactory enough for me. Why else would God or the creator go through the trouble of creating and sustaining a system so painfully complex, if not to simply understand oneself through it?
And so, each time the dread surfaces lately, I remind myself that I am meant to allow myself the joy or sadness or the neutrality of the moment so the universe knows the feeling. I must also continue to pursue my dreams and ambitions because the universe needs to understand its own efficiency in my physical setup. Way to project my own sense of grandeur, yeah?
I know there are plenty like me bothered by the great question of the purpose of existence on this planet. Many brilliant minds have attempted to answer this but it all narrows down to simply experiencing human life the way it is offered to us but I feel like collectively, as a species, we are way more complex than that answer. A quiet observation of everyday life would validate that. And so, even though the question remains widely unanswered, we are happy to be ignorant of it and carry on. If only the dread stopped surfacing for me too.
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