[This letter was written as a part of self expression sometime during June 2022. It is addressed to a leader and guide who passed away unexpectedly. Dealing with death is certainly a tumultuous experience for everyone, as it is for me. This letter was a part of the mourning process. It is hence deeply personal and a significant memoir from 2022. Perhaps I can immortalize it here.]
There was this line I’d read somewhere – an intelligent mind never fears death, it’s only curious about it. I’ve been obsessed with the concept of death and the afterlife for as long as I can remember. Not in a depressed or suicidal way, but in a curious, hopeful way. I feel like if I had ever gotten a chance to speak to you about it, you would have understood, and you would have had the most indulging insights. I wonder if you ever asked yourself the questions I ask, and if now you have found the answers to them.
A dear friend recently left like you did. He was one day older than me. He was more talented than most 26 year olds could fathom to be. And when he passed, the question of ‘where he went’ kept bugging me and I wrote him a letter like this, and Instagram posts asking the same. Many would call be mental – but the question of where a strong consciousness goes when separated from its body is a question that consumes me. And when you left? I cannot begin to state how much more emphasized it has gotten.
I don’t mean to sound elitist or anything – but I believe you will agree – some people ARE more special than the rest. The likes of you for example; who invest tonnes of energy, time and effort at making yourself extra-ordinary. An elevated consciousness, or an emotional intelligence if you will, does NOT come to everyone. It takes years of perseverance, self discipline and intent to acquire. Everyone doesn’t have indulging insights. Everyone doesn’t inspire. Everyone cannot process the world like you did.
And what happens when the body stops functioning? At some point, it had to. But the consciousness isn’t the body; is it? It’s an intangible collective of the knowledge there is out there. Combined with experiences and memories, it makes each of us unique. So what happens to it when the body disintegrates? Does it disintegrate too, and join the source of acquiring? Or does it stay on, and acquire more in a different physical form? Or, I hope not, does it simply obliterate like the body?
Jainism says the soul enters another body and is born again with memories, or karma, from the past life. It’s a theory I could get on board with. But it’s still not YOU. It transforms into someone else, someone who doesn’t realize the greatness of its former form, someone who has to start from scratch. It’s not very fair, is it? To just archive a towering conscience and put a new one in its place?
But worse still would be if the consciousness has to linger on in the spirit form. What if you are still around, watching us carry around heavy hearts, watching us struggle to match your level of competence and hoping against hope to in some way to still be of help to us? No, I wouldn’t wish that desperation on anyone who leaves. Its worse than obliteration. I hope we don’t linger on once we leave; and I hope you’re not around watching us attempt, failingly, to be fragments of you. You’ve done plenty for the world that you lived in here, and no matter how unready we’ll always be to let you go, it’s about time you moved on.
Ideally? And what I truly hope is true? Is that perhaps you have entered the realm of endless possibilities now. That your elevated consciousness is further elated at the vastness that has opened up for your exploration. Is it truly an infinite world as the poets and writers say? Is the afterlife as liberating and enlightening as the likes of us would want to believe? Are all the cosmic questions answered? Are you omnipresent and omniscient? Did you see God? All of them? Or is he just one?
I wonder if we turn into children once again upon death, exploring the infinity of our universe. I can imagine how much you would love that. And how amazing it would be if you’d be there to yet again guide us through the infinity spectrum when we eventually get there too. I hope the consciousness is elevated to its highest form when it leaves the body. Human life is probably just preparation for that world. And you’re probably one of the most well prepared souls to have gotten in.
If only we could hear from you, what the cosmic realities of the world are. How so much you enjoyed sharing new things with us. No one else is cool enough to learn this from. And I hope it is exponentially more fun for you there than it was here.
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