Dear love

Knowing me; not me, not anyone would have predicated I’d ever be lost in thoughts of a ‘someone’ so different from my way of life. I haven’t yet realized the true potential of this unconventional bond but oftentimes I spend time in my head imagining how incredible it would have been. It’s strange isn’t it, or, even unfair that we spend days and weeks seeking an experience that we’ll probably never have, completely discarding the unnatural number of possibilities that can come true with a snap of fingers.

I’ve left behind prospects for you that could turn my world upside down. I’ve craved for moments with you that would make you believe soul connections are real. I’ve pictured us living a life of surreal fulfilment. I’ve made myself worthy of sharing with you whatever I have defined as happiness all my life. I’ve lusted to strip your defences to the last bit and bare your soul, to make it mine for as long as it can be.

And you’ve had not a hint.

You’ve made me realize the pains of the hearts I’ve dared leave behind for you. You’ve made me see the dimensions of heartache they’ve gone through to write soulful love songs. You’ve made me believe love is not to be taken for granted after all. And you’ve taught me to love silently without shrieking my soul out because anyways it doesn’t feel worthy of anyone else now.

In silent love, I’ve grown more than I ever could through lessons and words. In silent hope, I manifest that you see through it at some point and know there was a heart that could have guarded yours more than the rest. And in silent acceptance, I leave this path so my little soul could after all have its share of love in the world.