Self assurance and relationships

It’s a common human tendency to expect returns for what has been invested. Especially in relationships, most fights occur when one person invests and the other withdraws consistently, without mutual benefit. But honestly, such matters are not given enough emphasis as they hold the potential to completely break a person down.

We tend to think that expecting things in return from a relationship and breaking down when that does not happen is a sign of weakness. Or, lack of self assurance. After all, we like to believe that someone who is self assured enough must be able to sustain emotional balance even when things don’t go the way he/she expected, isn’t it?

But recently I discovered that the opposite is true. Or, the opposite is also true. Yes, it is acceptable that someone who does not feel secure enough tends to lose it or break down in a relationship when there is no ‘return of investment’. But, the truth is that someone who completely comprehends one’s own self worth also breaks down the same amount, if not more.

Imagine being a person who works on oneself every single day consciously – through self discipline and has grown to incorporate self-enhancing habits over the years naturally. After a certain phase, he/she gains a level of confidence about being a self-assured and worthy individual who has something to offer to the world. When such an individual invests in a relationship and gets ignored, more often than not, it causes a scratch on the surface which poses a risk of breaking down into the entire mass of personality.

It is rather difficult to hold our own when we love someone and invest on that relationship, and get back ignorance or apathy in return. No matter how determined we are, it causes a sense of doubt that we might be lacking something for the person we are in love with to see us as unworthy of their attention or appreciation. True, people with self-worth usually are the quickest to recover from such experiences but for as long as it lasts, it is a feeling that threatens the very core of our personality.

Relationships are, after all, a tricky phenomenon. They are easy and effortless when they are meant to be but everyone will agree that no relationship sails through without encountering storms. The shallow ones break, but the efficient ones break just as much. All psychological theories about how a sense of self assurance is key to dealing with heartbreaks fail at that point. Everyone feels the same sense of dread, and most times, the strongest ones fall the hardest. The only difference might be that the strongest ones get back up on their own.

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