I cannot remember where I know it from, but I had learnt it somewhere that narcissists always create the best first impressions. Or the first few, to be specific. They want us to like them and reflect their self worth back at them, which is why they are extra nice and extra caring during their first few days of knowing someone. All it takes for that facade to come crashing down is one swift strike at their fragile ego, and we’re at the receiving end of a tornado of blanketed insults and de-motivations.
Imagine the plight of someone who didn’t successfully decode that the person being exceptionally nice is a narcissist, and honestly trusted and liked them for what they delivered with hidden intent. When the tide turns, we don’t know what we did wrong or how to cope with it now. And let me tell you the worst of all things at this phase – it all works. The insults, the targeted disapprovals, the constant undermining of our worth; it all works very well, hits the right spots and drags the receiver one yard at a time towards depression. What makes it worse is that we liked them, trusted them and perhaps believed they liked us too. The consistency in proving that it was all a hoax is just the prescription for serious mental imbalance. It is almost unacceptable that the lack of self assurance on the part of the person reflects on the mental health of ours.
It takes a long time, a strong friend circle (a genuine one this time) and a LOT of crying it out for this experience to pass. Oftentimes, we wonder why we’re over-reacting so much, because after all it was one insignificant person out of all the rest. Eventually, we do grow over it but definitely never without scars – even the most determined of people have trust issues after experiences of this sort. And I do not want to sound pessimistic – healing is a beautiful process but most certainly not an easy one. Till date, I’ve not garnered the courage to tell the story without the water works.
However, the lack of self assurance on their part and the consequential resort to inflicting damage sure helps build our self-worth. It takes time to heal, but the strength to heal always comes with collateral perks. Those of better sense of judgements, elevated sense of self-assuranc on our end, and positively a sense to never inflict upon anyone else what we have been through. End of the day, all good.