The ‘jurrat’ he defined for me

There’s a saying in Kannada that translates to say a fire burns the brightest before it puts off. Though we might hate to admit it, the same ideal applies largely to life and most relationships we foster. The good old philosophy that asks us to take things slow and let time do its job is after all a highly logical one.

I know this has happened to many – because I’ve come across ample instances of the sort. Its gut wrenching when someone you clicked with suddenly turns into a feeling you hate to wake up to, a reality you to prefer to avoid. What was few days ago a fun part of your life suddenly turns into the one thing that makes you curl up in bed and want not wake up to face it, ever. But that’s not even the rock bottom; the worst part is that it all happened for no intentional mistake of your own – or that of the other person.

Human relationships are probably the one dynamic that will never be completely understood or sorted. While it is incredible how some relationships can hold on despite the worst of odds, it is equally heartbreaking how some can crumble to nothingness over the silliest of conflict. It must be quite a boon for therapists and psychologists working in the area of mending relationships, and it’s funny how they build themselves a career trying to fix something that is permanently flawed. At the end of the day, all relationships converge to one thing within the human mind, and that is willingness. As long as two people remain willful towards sustaining a bond, the bond shall sustain, and otherwise just not.

I’ve always been a person who gives up on agnostic people easily, but that never meant I’ve wanted to do that at any point of time. Goodbyes and drifting are always sad, sometimes more than you expected. However, perhaps I’ve been a little too self obsessed to have noticed the pattern. The faster a graph grows, the harder it crashes to the ground. More so the case when the people involved are sturdy and uncompromising personalities on their own. It doesn’t matter if there is a legitimate issue to be drifting apart over. When you’re rushing too fast, even a speck of dust snowballs to lead you to a crash. And no matter how bad it hurts or angers you, you’ll prefer sulking under the couch than talking it out.

The truth is that everyone makes mistakes, and there is no mistake in the world that cannot be fixed through mutual understanding. But if there’s a particular mistake that seems too big to even talk out, it only means that the person that committed it is held in extremely critical position. And the only reason for that to happen is lack of understanding of the person – which is rooted in the logic that a relationship moved too fast for real-time understanding to take place. Crack it yourself – whom would you give up on easier over a mistake? Someone you’ve known longer and steadier or someone you’ve known lately and madly?

Doesn’t mean the newcomers don’t get to make mistakes. They do, as long as they aren’t placed in a position of extreme criticism in the mind of the other person. That can only be achieved if the person has been taking it slow, making the other one realize that he is not understood completely, and there is so much more to be dealt with in his personality. An illusion within a relationship that comes too quickly which makes someone believe that they ‘clicking’ and everything is ‘mad and awesome’ is what leads to this crappy state of aversion within a few months.

That’s it. A lesson well learnt, take things slow. Relationships have, in my experience, and will always, sustain in their best form when you take your time for things to absorb. It sucks to have learnt it the hard way. But at least I’m at a place where I can acknowledge that no one’s at fault, we all could have just dealt with things a little better. And the ugly sulking that came as a consequence? Well, life can’t always be sunshine and rainbows, right? A little bit of thunderstorm is a welcome change! If I had the audacity to let it happen, the same must remain in dealing with the consequences! Like it goes… “Jurrat sau baar rahe, ooncha ikraar rahe, zinda har pyaar rahe!”


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